Nightsense: A Nocturnal Life in Still Motion

Something serious

It’s been a while since I’ve had a serious conversation about myself. Right on, spotlight on me.

A while back, I had a talk with a close friend of mine. At first, it was just a regular dili-dali-shili-shali sort of conversation. It was only when my friend asked me something out of the ordinary:

Friend: So what’s up with you being single?

Me: Uhh…well, i dunno? hahaha

Friend: Pfft, anyone around ya?

Me: Not that I know of? I’m not thinking about those things right now you know..i’m a busy guy.

Friend: Yeah, everyone knows that. But don’t tell me you aren’t looking. I know you. You’re always working behind the scenes and next thing you know you come in with a parade of chocolates,flowers and glitters all over your eyes.

Me: Nahh, not this time. It’s too much. My last breakup was just last May!

Friend: And…you’re way better off now aren’t ya? U’re done dealing with that inside right?

Me: Of course. But I think I should really focus on my career right now. I’ve got a huge chip on my back. Gotta take care of things first.

Friend: You have a full-time job. You have a small business. You do wedding photography. You keep getting clients. You’ve been in a magazine and will be again! You’re name is out there. Not to mention you’re only 24! That’s a lot if you ask me. I’m your age and you’re the only person I know like this. The only thing missing is your muse.

Me: ehh…i dunno. i don’t think i’m ready to settle down. i’ve had three failed relationships you know. gotta be careful. it’ll come. i’m too pre-occupied at the moment.

Friend: What are you going to do if it comes?

Me: who knows…

Friend: You miss the warmth don’t ya?

Me: well yeah, who want’s to be alone anyway?

Friend: So what’s the problem?

Me: the problem is that i’m in this stage where i want to grow first. explore what’s out there. do what i like to do without any commitments. i’d like to be free for now. i want a good career. a good name. i want to make my family proud and make sure that they get something from all the hard work they’ve done for me. u know what i mean right?

Friend: You haven’t changed. =P

Me: hahaha, no i haven’t.regret is the only thing i fear.

Friend: Well, i know when that person comes you’ll change your world upside down. It’s that romance you’re lacking buddy.

Me: hahaha indeed!

Friend: Take my advice, don’t burn yourself out too much. You’re too young… working day and night. You get no rest. And stop being a clown. LoL

Me: You rest when you’re dead. =P Besides that’s the whole fun out of it. When you’re young you have all the energy to do things. Do as much as you want, coz you’ll never know when your time is up right? At least when it’s over I can leave something behind. Good things. Things that hopefully will make people feel that they didn’t waste their time on me. =D

Friend: hahaha, heard that million times already. just looking at your photos and i can tell you’re tired. when was the last time you smiled in photos??

Me: You love it! and u know i don’t smile in photos.

Friend: you used to.

Me: meeh… =P

See! I do smile in photos!

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Blurb….

Time flies by without a warning. It keeps on going and going, neglecting people like me who’s lost track of its path. I was just in Friendster a couple of minutes ago…you know just checking out old friends and all when I bumped into one of my childhood friend’s profile. In his shout he said that he will be settling down and focus on his family. I had a sweet moment of reminiscing back our high school years. I remember how that dude and I used to talk about so many shit about..well…forget about it..hahaha. And look at now, he’s got a family! That made me think for a while about myself and my future. I asked myself: man, where am i going? what’s there for me tomorrow? When am i going to settle down? A friend told me once that being 24 is really young and I shouldn’t worry about those things. But, I kept thinking about it nevertheless.

I want to enjoy life with someone you know. I think that’ll be cool. I feel like at this time of my life I should really consider settling down. I never seem to have a relationship that lasted for a very long time. The longest was 2 years and it was a long distance relationship too. Man, I gave my all into that relationship but still ended up in a disaster. The next one didn’t even last for half a year. You know, people make mistakes and when you try to fix it and give out your best, you’d still end up heart broken. That’s life i guess, but it’s kind of tiring to keep doing that. I feel like I need someone who’d really appreciate that value you know? When you know you love someone you never let that person go. You’ll get hurt but there’s always a way to fix it. I know I’m just blurbing out too much but geez man… I guess i’m just getting carried away by people around me. Some of my friends are saving up for weddings and all. It’s one of those moments…just one of those moments…

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My Obituary (Serendipity ver.)

Julius Manalo, a young creative entrepreneur, died last night from severe complications of losing someone he truly loved. He’s 23 years old. Impulsive and obsessive, Julius lived a life of a hopeless romantic. Always chasing the ideal love, Julius romanticized the perfect soulmate. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden persona longing for the one true love who’s always been in front of him. Sadly, just moments before he fell ill his protracted search ended with an utter failure. His search ended when he finally realized that what he was looking for was already standing in front of him. Overlooking this led to the lost of his only true love. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Julius secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Roger Dionicio, Julius’ best friend, described Julius as a changed man during the last moments of his life. “Things were clearer for him,” Roger noted. “He finally realized what mattered to him the most and found his passion just before his demise.” Roger added.

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Thy passion…

…is long lost in the midst of nothingness…

I remember in the movie Serendipity, Dean (Jeremy Piven)  said something like “You know the Greeks didn’t write obituaries, they only asked one question after a man died, ‘Did he have passion?”

Did he have passion…he said. Do I have any? I used to. I used to be so passionate about my arts and crafts, but now I feel like an empty bubble about to burst. A tiny amount of puff (and no, I’m not referencing weed) would be the end of me. I feel exhausted from too many things that I’ve realized that I’ve really lost my passion. I’ve lost creativity and have sided with the mainstream extravaganza. I’m a commercial, client-based artist. Where’s the push? Where’s the burning passion that drives creativity beyond measures? Where’s my raison d’etre?

What can break a creative block? I can’t stay like this for long. I need a point of inspiration.

Tell me where to find it…

Posted in Late Night Notions | 3 Comments »

And I’ve returned…

Hello World!

Yes, I know. I’ve forsaken my night time of blogging. I’ve deserted this place up  to the point that tumble weeds dragged down crawling spammers. It’s a dead sight. Flat dead, I tell ya!

Anyway, so if anybody still cares for some updates here they are:

1.) I’ve started a new portfolio called Fluxmotion. Come check it out @ http://www.fluxmotion.net

2.) I’ve also created my own photography site: http://www.jmanalophotography.com 

3.) I’ve started a new career as a Motion Graphics designer at Artisan.

4.) I bought a Canon 5d.

5.) I lost weight.

And that’s pretty much what happened to me in the past few…months…??

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Hell Week! Shifting to Pigging out Friday

Here’s a summary of what happened to me this week:

Clients got pissed

Missed a couple of deadlines then more clients got pissed

Spend the week barely sleeping due to the amount of work coming. I’d sleep at 1am and wake up at 3am and go to work at 7am then go home at 5pm, get back to work by 7pm, go to sleep at 1am and wake up again later…

Endlessly puking out of nowhere even though there’s nothing more to puke for about a week now

Got soaking wet from the rain/snow/mud a number of times…did i mention i slipped?

Black cat passed by in front of me in the middle of an industrial area while I was running under the rain

A huge lady almost stepped on my utterly wet foot

More deadlines missed

Finally woke up early to get to work but only to be stranded in the subway and missed my bus…AGAIN

Coffee has reached my blood

Haven’t been able to eat nothing but muffins and coffee

With all that happening to me it was almost impossible for me to think straight. I was frustrated to find out that nothing seemed to be working out for me at all. What a week. What a hell.

Instead of cooking friday with Julius, fuck, I’m pigging out this night and get fat. Screw diet! I’m pissed!

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Should have done it…

“Julius, you should apply for a Canadian passport.” That’s what my mom told me couple of months ago. Up to this point of my life, I still have the application form covered in dust. Should have done it. And for that negligence I pay with the price of annoyance!

I was heading to Geneva. Plane ticket, guide tour (sorry nikki & grace!!), places to visit(gomenasai nikki & grace!! >.<), a place to stay…everything was planned - well sort of. I was to book it off, but when I told the travel agent that I don’t have a Canadian passport I was told that I may not be able to get in (or out). Simply put, I’m a Canadian citizen, but I’m holding a Philippine passport. If I present this anywhere aside from Philippines it would appear pretty “suspicious”. Sigh….

This was my plan before I venture in to my new job. I took a week off to rest and recuperate from all stress and frustration. I thought Geneva would be the perfect place. I have friends there who I wanted to see anyway. Now I’m at home, stuck and doing work.

Like what Rachel said: “MANOOOOONNNNGGG you suuuuccckkk!!!! =(” HAHAHAHA!

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Cooking Friday: Baked Salmon with Mayo

note: I’m no pro (not even amateur) in cooking so feel free to add suggestions or additional information. I like to eat and cook. That’s all I know. Lol.

Today was a pretty smooth day set aside the heavy wind and light raindrops. I stayed home resting my sprained ankle and just relaxed - for a short while at least. Anyway, what I thought of cooking tonight was baked salmon. As you’d probably notice, I’d eat anything salmon.

The recipe for this is really easy, but I always find this simple dish quite tasty.

1/2 lbs of Atlantic Salmon cut into 3 pieces (or 6 if you like)

1 Tbsp of Mayo

1/2 Tbsp of Parmesan Cheese

Instructions:

Lay the salmon skin faced down on an aluminum foil. Mix the mayo and parmesan cheese then brush the mix on top of the salmon. Bake the salmon around 350 deg for 20-25 minutes.

With a little salad on the side and a taste of pepper on the salmon, Julius is once again satisfied on a Friday night.

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Light Box Test Shots

I’ve been thinking of getting into product photography so I ordered a fairly cheap light box kit over at ebay which came in few moments ago. I was able to fool around with it for a while and so far the results were pretty promising. I really enjoyed playing around with the light and soft shadows.

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Cooking Friday: Teriyaki Salmon

note: I’m no pro (not even amateur) in cooking so feel free to add suggestions or additional information. I like to eat and cook. That’s all I know. Lol.

It’s a bit late for Friday but last night was pretty rough that I literally passed out after dinner. I had sparring in my kick boxing class and it was brutal to the point my lips actually bled. But nothing serious. Anyway, back to our story.

I was too scrambled to actually make anything big for dinner so I decided to make something small and since salmon is easy and fast to make, I thought of teriyaki salmon.

Recipes:

1/2 lbs of Atlantic Salmon cut into 3 pieces (or 6 if you like)

3 Tbsp of Olive oil

1/4 cup of Kikkoman Teriyaki Sauce

1/2 cut of Onion

Directions

Heat oil to medium then put onions followed later on by salmon pieces. Fry until the salmon has turned brownish. Make sure the inside is well cooked as well. Lay the salmon pieces nicely on a plate then pour the teriyaki sauce on top. You can also add parsley or broccoli on it or on the side if you like.

It’s nothing special really. I bet there are better recipes out there. But it’s Friday and Julius wants a treat!

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